Reprimand - is it right thing to do?

Several parents feel that reprimanding the child is a fine thing to do. They believe that boundaries are essential and must be reinforced through coercion if necessary. Some of them were of the view that a parent must never hit the child, though rebuking and other coercive options were acceptable. 

These parents need to understand the concept of positive discipline and inductive discipline where the child’s non-conforming behaviour is understood and then directed in another way through dialogue. Such dialogue helps parents understand the ‘why’ reason better and therefore make fundamental realignments where necessary. 

Reprimand is not the only way to demean the self-esteem of a child. Belittling the child, comparing with other children and foul mouthing them also impacts the child negatively and is extremely detrimental to the process of development of the child. 

In these instances the child is made to feel unwanted and threatened. These behaviours are extremely counter-productive and over time destroys’ the child’s self-confidence. 

Consider the case of Ursula (name changed for confidentiality). Every time a test or an exam would be held at school her mother would compare her grades with those of other children and often repeat – either you are first or nothing. Repeatedly Ursula was made to feel that she was nothing and she dutifully still showed the results to her mother, rather than hiding them. 

One such outburst of her mother went on for weeks and Ursula lost her patience totally. For the first time with tear rolling down her cheeks she said, ‘Why are you so rude to me? What have I done? If I do not come first there are others who are better than me in academics? I am happy the way I am, please don’t abuse me so much.’ 

Angry with her child’s behaviour the mother then said that she will not speak to her daughter any more. And it went on for three weeks. Food would be on the table for Ursula but mother won’t be there to speak. Even efforts by the father failed to break the ice. 

After two more weeks, father sent Ursula to a boarding school so that she could flourish in a place where the hostility would be lesser.

Much later the mother said that it was the right thing to do because in the boarding school Ursula would understand how caring and concerned she was as a Mother. After all she never used the rod on Ursula, while as a child her father used to beat her often. Over time the distance between Ursula and her family became impossible to bridge. The entire family could not reconcile to what happened but they only hoped for the best. 

A child learns by seeing what parents are doing. Therefore if the parents explain their actions thoughts and beliefs well, the child understands and evolves own approach to life, within the boundaries. 

At Yancha, expert guides provide the much needed inputs to parents to carry out the behavioural development of the children. While schools focus on the academic development based on prescribed curriculum, behavioural development and building on the areas of interest of the child is best carried out by the parents. 

The fundamental reason for children to achieve far beyond expectations is the behavioural development carried out by the parents in the formative years of their development. 

Parents must realize that every child is behaviourally different. What worked for them when they were children, or what worked for the other children might not work for their child. Reprimanding or any form of coercion severely limits the development of the child and must never be carried out.

Flagging a behaviour that is off the grid, helping the child resolve issues using positive discipline and therefore developing a very confident child is the only way to handle behaviour related issues. And when handled well, in the long run, the child also learns to self-correct when needed.